This is a challenge that I am constantly learning from, and it continues to show up because I haven’t mastered the lesson (if that is even possible), and it’s the ones that I love that fair the hardest hits in the midst of my discovery.
Naturally, when you’re in the thick of it, it’s hard to stop yourself and think “oh I am just learning a lesson, it’s all ok, we’re all on the same team so be kind, breath deeper.” I know when I am in the thick of it I am intolerable, my clarity is foggy and the only thing I can focus upon is so up in my face I feel that every person is out to get from me.
Suck my Soul.
Drain my energy.
Take more than they give.
That is completely not true. Well ok maybe in some instances if you have toxic relationships around you, but overall, I surround myself with people I love and who want the best for me.
The reason I feel like there is an ever changing tally board of what I am entitled to because of what I have given, is entirely made up and dominated by my Ego.
I channel her fear when I am snapping at my husband or grinding my teeth because of something he’s done wrong. Again. Poor bloke can’t get a break with my Ego some days. It’s nice to sit back blame the Ego. It’s all her fault.
The problem lies in the undeniable fact that I have chosen, consciously (or mostly likely not), to live there in fear with her, instead of here, in love, with my husband.
It’s a trick.
She’s playing me against the ones I love dearest.
To protect me from the pain of loss she wants to make that move first.
Sometimes I wish for everyone to know all about the voices of Ego and Love and the Universal Laws so that when I am swimming in fear someone can come up to me and say, Hi Ego, thank you for trying to protect Phoebe, but can I speak to her please? Give her permission to make another choice.
I can’t imagine my Ego going Oh, sure, here she is…. She’s not that laid back. Whoever asks for me will probably promptly be told by my Ego where to go, but inside, I heard you. Love heard you. And every single time I get better at showing up. Seeing how I am contributing. How I ultimately have to make the first move in allowing love to be my primary default setting.
My lesson is to constantly become more aware of when I am letting Ego run the show.
When she is keeping score, and when she refuses to back down. Instead of meeting her with force, meet her with love, allow myself to see who I am from Loves perspective. Not broken, but perfect. Every decision I make, is a lesson learned. To stop being so hard on myself, I’m moving closer to Love.
You see as humans, we all have the voice of Ego and the voice of Love inside of us, and not a single Soul on this planet has not at some time in their lives thought that by giving we sacrifice. But that’s not how the Universe works. The Universe is abundant, and there is nothing to sacrifice, there is no less.
Give for the love of giving.
Give for the joy it brings, not just for them but for you.
Give because we are all on the same team, we all want to succeed, live large and prosper, and we all want to see others succeed, it’s in our DNA to help, to give, to cheer and to want the best for everyone of us.
Watch any reality TV show that displays someone giving their all and the audience will be with baited breath for their victory. Australian Idol, American Idol, Britain’s Got Talent, Biggest Loser, The Voice, Masterchef. You name it. Every. Single. One.
It’s the collective energy of love shining through.
Are you surrounding yourself with loving and supportive people? What does your scoreboard look like? Who owes who? What exactly are you keeping score for? Do you really want the outcome of what that scoreboard represents?
In my opinion, and in the words of Alfred Lord, “’Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all”.
Don’t you think?